Today I’m remembering an ending that became my new beginning.
Six years ago today, was the last day I would live in New York. I packed up my suitcase & my dog and traveled to the place where I was born & raised – Colorado. I had planned on staying for three weeks, but I’m still here, six years later. When I saw how sick my Momma was, and how stressed my dad & brother were, trying to care for her, I just couldn’t leave. Then my brother died, which sent my parents into turmoil. And then my momma died.
The day before my mom went unresponsive, I was sitting with her in her hospice room and she looked up at me with eyes full of tears and said, “what will happen to dad when I’m gone?” Without even thinking about it, I promised her I would stay and look after him. She thanked me and told me she loved me and those were the last words she ever said to me. I’m thankful I did stay because dad fell 11 times in the first year after mom died and he would be in a nursing home or assisted living facility right now, if I wasn’t here.
Of course, I’m still torn – my three sons and three grandchildren live in NY. As hard as it is to be away from my kids, I know I’m doing the right thing. The person I was in NY – that was not me. I was bitter and miserable, and that’s not who I really am.
Now that I’ve been home in Colorado for the last six years, I am remembering who I really am. I am bright, creative, loving, compassionate, happy, content, strong and courageous. As hard as these past six years have been (and still are), I am beyond grateful for this time here. I know my place is in Colorado – it’s where I belong. It’s where I’m able to be the best version of myself. Here, I have rebuilt myself, into the person I was always meant to be.
So remember, no matter how lost you feel, or how wrong your life seems, or how deep in a dark pit you are, or how scary changes seem, don’t ever give up. You never know what life has in store for you. Even through grief, loss and hardships, you can be blessed, if you are open to receiving the blessings. It really is true – all endings are just new beginnings; we just don’t know it at the time.
